Console Rundown 2009-05-31 The truth.
This is for those who REALLY want to know what the best console is. Be prepared, this is a very long article.
This is also NOT a fanboy war. You are free to share your opinions on the matter, but flaming another person simply because of how they chose to spend their money on gaming will not be tolerated.
If the World Wide Web, as it's formally known, is to be believed, we are currently sitting in the 7
th generation of consoles. 7 generations of inbreeding and internet wars have brought us to this deformed day.
But, which console is the best? In order to come up with an accurate conclusion we must break down each individual aspect of the consoles and, without jumping into a fanboy rage, compare them.
Since I mentioned deformity let's start with the Wii.
Nintendo's theory of flogging a dead horse appears to be that if you flog it hard enough its constant jitters and movements can still spit out games that old Nintendo fans will continue to buy and enjoy even if you are playing as the same friggin' guy, saving the same friggin' princess with the same friggin' boomerang. However, Nintendo grew bored of their fanbase, their controllers and their games and invented a little white cuboid known as the Wii (codenamed Revolutions at one point).
Despite the Wii sounding like some kind of urine purifier, it's now one of the top owned house appliances (though no one older than 25 actually knows what the bloody thing does, it's cool to own one). To enforce this, Nintendo have released various amounts of games that dance in front of the eyes of 10 year olds and your mum. With this comes a new controller set up. Nintendo finally got bored of their random button mashing mini-games of the Mario Party franchise and replaced it with random stick waggling "Wii-mote" games. Currently, more homes have Wiis than central heating so let's take a look at why it's so popular.
Hardware Over two and a half years have passed since the Wii has been released. And, aside from the growth of the WiiWare store, not much has changed. With the Wii's processor power unable to run anything other than a small phone, we probably shouldn't expect much out of the damn thing, but after two years you'd think that more than an SD card menu option would be released in a firmware update.
Graphics Again, this is another factor that hasn't really improved since the Wii's release. With newly released games you can expect the same grainy pixalised visuals that make most game characters look like they're suffering from severe head tumours.
Games available It was once said that a Nintendo console without Mario would be like a fat kid in the sea without water wings. While this was true, Nintendo has done a good job of giving us an immense collection of
sh*t casual games to keep your baby cousin and your mum preoccupied. (Your dad is too busy playing awesome games like Call of Duty. Sorry, son.) However, don't lose faith. Mario does appear one last time to pat old Nintendo fans on the back in Super Mario Galaxy. While this is indeed a great return to old Mario fun, you'll soon realise after rocketing around space 120 times that Mario does not care about you. In fact, he's racing Sonic right now on the Olympics. Oh, and your mum just lost the game...both games.
Multimedia features None...that are actually useful.
OK. Really, what features would you want a console to have? It does have the Wii store. Here you can purchase overpriced games from past Nintendo consoles that you probably already own but are not bothered to set it up again because you're fat and lazy. What's that? You want audio and video compatibility as well? Too bad. Though the Wii does have a very limited way of photo sharing, the Wii is currently unable to read DVDs or CDs. Oh well, maybe in the future the Wii will have a VHS player.
By the way, your mum just sent your aunt a picture of you pissing yourself as a kid.
Overview the Wii does have a kid-like innocent charm to it that Nintendo gamers have come to know and love. You'll still come across classics like Mario and Zelda, and you might even still have fun with these games. Now is also a good time to mention that the Wii is the only one out of the three consoles that actually has full backwards compatibility. You can still enjoy ALL of your old GCN games. All in all, the Wii does offer some things that its competitors don't like...the Wii remote complete with its childish attachments like guns, tennis rackets and milking machines. But, it simply cannot compete with the likes of Microsoft and Sony who have moved onto HD gaming and world domination.
My rating 4/10 (yeah, I know it's harsh but it's justified)
Here we are, Sony's shiny black colossus of potential the PS3. It's fair to note that the PS3 did not take off to a very good start with its limited amount of games. But that time has passed and now it very rarely misses a game that its rival Xbox has. Nevertheless, being the size of a small car and possessing enough power to run a nuclear power plant, it doesn't appear to offer more than the 360.
Hardware - this console is supposedly in possession of the top of the range hardware for gaming. While this is true, is this really the console's full potential? Yes, it can stream music and video content, yes it supports 1080p (in more cases than 3the 60) but those who own both will find that gaming on the PS3 is barely a notch above gaming on the 360 (without the gibbering d*ckholes of XBL). This brings me to my next point Blu-ray support. While many argue that this is the future of gaming and movies, the difference (if any) is simply not enough to justify the "jump" in technology. Let's also not forget that combining a home entertainment system with a home gaming system is something Sony already tried with the PSP and failed at simply because no one wanted to buy their old movies again so they could watch them on the bus with a magnifying glass. However, it's never a bad thing to have a Blu-ray player attached to your console and there is proof that PS3's hardware exceeds its competitors...that is, when it reaches its full potential!!
Graphics The PS3 supports mainly 720p and up-scaled 1080p gaming giving sharp vibrant colours on any TV ready for HD. There really isn't much to complain about here. Some games may suffer from minor framerate issues, but the majority run well over 60 FPS. It may still pale in comparison to an £800 computer, but that's the reason why there's a £500 difference!!
Games/DLC available this is one obvious factor that Sony has greatly improved upon. With many great Xbox/PC only exclusives such as BioShock and Mass Effect now appearing on the PS3, there isn't much it doesn't have. There are some DLC issues due to rights, but even these are getting sorted out. PS3 players will eventually be able to enjoy THE FULL COLLECTION of Bethesda's downloadable content for Fallout 3. Several PS3 standouts included Metal Gear Solid 4: Guns of the Patriots, God of War and Little Big Planet. Oh and
Gears of World War 2 Killzone 2, for all you Big Manly Men out there.
Multimedia features this is clearly where the PS3 shines. With video and audio streaming capabilities and Blu-ray, it is likely that gamers who own both a PS3 and a 360 will primarily be using their PS3 for music, movies, photos, p0rn and other family entertainment.
Overview The P$3 has so much potential it's practically leaking out of its shiny Blu-ray player. However, until we see this potential, it's nothing more than a shiny black portable spaceship that claims it can take us to the moon. And whenever we ask it just comes up with excuses.
My rating 7/10
While the PS3 targets nerdy, hardcore technology freaks and the Wii targets games who aren't yet old enough to stand, Xbox 360 seems to target more casual gaming beer drinking hooligan guys. Nonetheless, these kinda guys can be better described on Xbox LIVE as a bunch of f*ggot-arsed gibbering pricks. Xbox 360's strongest point is its line up of games. (what a shame its backwards compatibility is a load of bullshit and chips). With many popular exclusives dancing in people's faces and a devoted multiplayer community,
some a lot may say that this is the best console of the three. Have these people got the Red Ring of Death yet?
Hardware The Xbox 360 has a great graphics card and a great processor. Games look and run great but there's one
tiny huge problem. The failure rate. The first batch of consoles had a massive 30-33% failure rate! From Wikipedia:
"In February 2008, during the
Game Developers Conference 2008, Microsoft announced that the "Failure rate has officially dropped", but without mentioning any specifics. The same month an examination of 1040 Xbox 360s by electronics warranty provider
SquareTrade found a 16.4% (one in six) failure rate; 171 were "disabled", of these 171 units 60% failed due to a general hardware failure (and thus fell under the 3 year extended warranty) of the remaining 40%, not covered by the extended warranty, 18% were disc read errors, 13% were video card failures, 13% were hard drive freezes, 10% were power issues and 7% were disc tray malfunctions."
Though the failure rate currently sits at a not so scary 16%, this isn't the only problem. Ever tried playing Fallout or the Orange Box without the game the freezing? You probably haven't because any Xbox player with common sense would have those two games installed on their harddrive. That's right. Some games are made completely unplayable by 360's pathetic attempt to read a game disc properly. And if that wasn't enough, ever noticed you've had to turn up the volume on your TV because of that incessant humming sound? When playing a game, it's impossible to not notice the fact that your console sounds like a small aircraft taking off. But don't worry, guys! Microsoft has added a great little feature to prevent this installing the game to your harddrive makes the game run quieter while soaking up your precious harddrive space...So if like me, you're the proud owner of an Xbox Premuim console your 60GB won't last slowing your Xbox further! Good job, Microsoft!!
Graphics the 360 truly shines here. While having slightly sharper graphics than the PS3 and rivalling PC graphics, you're in for a truly beautiful HD experience. So sit back and let Marcus Fenix/Master Chief tickle your eyeballs.
Games available again, where the 360 shines. The mass amount of GOOD games available for the 360 will have you constantly going back to your local retailer (or Amazon.com/uk) for that one game you've looked past.
Popular Great exclusives include Halo 3, Gears of War, Fable II.
Multimedia content/features You CAN play your own video and music on your Xbox 360, and this CAN be done during games. However, playing these from external devises can be problematic. During my Burnout Paradise days I tried playing music from my memory stick inserted into my Xbox. The result was that it took about 2 minutes to load all my music and then another minute to actually start to play it. When the song was over it simply repeated it over and over (and no, the repeat function was not turned on). I tried to play another and it froze I then gave up entirely and accepted the cheesy pop-rock crap. What Xbox does allow you to do is wirelessly connect to your PC via Windows Media Centre. Here you can play video and music content stored on your PC. A good idea in theory. It's just a shame that browsing through the Media Centre menus on Xbox has about a second of lag. It also doesn't stream all music/video content. I found that out of 2800 songs, only 1208 made it onto the Xbox pitiful. This brings me to the 360's finest feature. Xbox LIVE. There are tons of arcade and community games to download. There's a good load of DLC content for your games and there's always people to play online no matter how old the game.
Overview The Xbox does what it says on the box. HD gaming, a massive network full of online gamers and a ton of games to play. Anyone who owns an Xbox will know how great the gamertags are. Through this little virtual card, others can identify who you are online and even check your game progress. Okay, so you have to pay for Xbox LIVE, but you get what you pay for. The truth is, PSN is not as good as XBL because it's free. Though there's not much of an argument there I've seen the evidence for myslelf. Bearing all this in mind, this is only the case if your console actually works. Some people have their console bricked simply because they've had the sheer nerve to actually play it. All in all, it's a fantastic console. Yeah, it overheats, but that's because it doesn't want to be played much! This is a console for cool people who don't have time to play a lot of games because of all the $EX they have!
My rating 7/10
I think that about concludes it. To summarise;
Nintendo: games for your mum
PS3: nerdy solo gaming technology freaks
Xbox: casual mutiplayer gaming gibbering wankers
If you ever have trouble differentiating between the companies, remember this: Nintendo are pussies, whist Microsoft and Sony are c*nts.
And if anyone has anything useful to add to this that I've missed out, leave a comment and I'll add it in under additional comments.
tl;dr? Your call. Yeah, I know it's long. But I want to give reasons WHY one console may have better features than another.
Stay tuned!
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